"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
So wrote Henry David Thoreau in his journal during his time at Walden Pond.
They ring as loud and true today as they did in 1845.
Nearly 200 years later.
You would think that by now, people would have gotten the memo about waking up, becoming more self-aware, and then doing something different with their lives so that they experience all the wonder they possibly could in their very short span of existence.
But based on the plethora of memes floating around social media about taking a chance, letting go of what no longer serves us, and moving on, that memo hasn't landed on most people's desk.
If it had, there would be no need for the memes reminding everyone to do something with their lives.
Still happening in the 21st century
Times may have changed since Thoreau went to the woods to live deliberately, but people haven’t.
Too many continue to settle for the “same-shit-different-day” line of thinking.
Which is another way of saying "leading lives of quiet desperation."
What a tragedy.
Why is this still happening?
The reasons are many and the list is long.
Superficial answers to this question include:
- Too busy
- Don't know what else to do
- It could be worse
- This is as good as it gets
Dig a little deeper and you'll find one of the biggies most people aren't immediately aware of: how much the fear of loss plays a role in the decisions we make each day.
People hate loss. We avoid it at all costs.
But to experience something new and different -- e.g. growth and change -- requires losing.
Including losing people we care about. Because not everyone who has been with us up until now will continue forward with us once we've decided to make a change.
That's what stops so many people from expanding their experiences to create the life they truly want.
To get what we want means not everyone is coming with us on our journey.
That's a hard realization to have.
Moving on from parts of and people in our lives that no longer fit into where we are going isn’t easy. So, too many try desperately to hang on to what they have, convincing themselves of the third and fourth bullet points above.
This is as good as it gets. It could be worse.
Even if what they have sucks.
Even if what they have causes them deep, private despair.
The good news is, we always have a choice to make a different decision.
We have the power to create and choose.
One way to avoid "Shoulda Coulda Woulda" becoming the tagline for your life is to embrace the losses. See them as growth points. Grieve what is no longer. And then double down on what's ahead.
Lean into the power of your imagination and do things that lead you to making what you imagine come true.
Because what's ahead is pretty cool.
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