Mastering the Art of Self-validation

Let’s forget the Internet for a minute.

All the fans and followers we’ve amassed. Or are amassing. 

The ones who like what we share.

The ones who comment on what we share.

The ones who respond to our newsletter with a personal message.

The dopamine hits we get when these things happen.

(I recognize the irony of my opening statement as this post was composed and now is published on the Internet.)

For a moment, let’s think about creativity and what we make through the lens of how our work pleases us first.

Self-validation begins at home

In his book, The Creative Act: A Way of Being, Rick Rubin talks about how we create for ourselves first (source)

Always.

How each of us is our primary audience.

I like that because I have long believed it to be true.

When I write, I write for myself first.

I wrote this post for myself first, to think through my ideas and observations about self-validation and the role it plays in leading a great life.

And this is where the main point of this essay takes center stage.

If I am the only audience for what I have written here or anywhere else, I'm perfectly happy with that. I do not judge the value of my work based on the number of likes or comments or shares it garners. 

Writing and publishing are big chunks of what I do every day. I know what I'm doing and creating is valuable. I don't need a million people -- or even ten -- to tell me that.

Here's where mastering the art of self-validation is so very important. In a world that often seems agnostic to us and the creative work we do, we must find a way to see our work as important without any external variables entering the equation.

Especially on social media, the most enormous ocean of everyone and their “Me First” opinion ever created.

To cut through that noise is virtually impossible, so why bother?

Seriously, it’s a fool’s errand.

Validation for what we do needs to begin with us. 

Creativity and self-validation

For the record, when I write and talk about creativity, I am not limiting that word to what artists make.

Nor am I limiting that word within the artistic category to the people who have their work displayed in museums or on the NY Times best seller list of the Billboard Top 100.

Being creative is a fundamental part of being human.

Everyone is creative in one way -- or many.

Learning to validate for ourselves what we create and do must become part of our life’s work. We need to teach it to our children through doing it for ourselves.

 I am convinced that self-validation can lead to a deeper sense of inner peace, happiness, and fulfillment (you know, the intangibles that make life really worth living), not to mention stronger families, better health, and making more money. 

Ultimately, it’s not about the awards, or shares, or accolades, or champagne.

These things are nice. Not gonna lie.

But.

These things are the by-products of showing up to the work that matters most to us.

And who’s to say you can’t validate a creative accomplishment on your own with a favorite bottle of bubbly or a bouquet of flowers or a simple, “Nice work.”

The king of self-validation was my dad

I witnessed my father self-validate throughout my life with him. He was the king of self-validation: fixing a leaky faucet; coming up with a new way to teach the theory of waves to his high school students in Physics class; how nice he looked in a new shirt he just bought from LL Bean.

He would say things about himself out loud. Things like, “Great job, James!” and “Don’t you look dashing, James!”

When he learned to ride an e-bike at age 84 (which was a challenge for him), he acknowledged his willingness to try something new even though it didn't come easy.

And always with a sparkle in his eyes.

Maybe because I witnessed someone practicing self-validation, doing it for myself comes easier than for those who have no reference point or role model.

Like anything else, the skill of self-validation can be practiced and mastered.

Start small.

It will probably feel funny.

But give it a go for the next seven days. Then do seven more.

Acknowledge your work the way people in your social network might if they were in the room with you, witnesses to what you created.

Give yourself a gold star for a job well done no matter how small. Even if you’re the only one who sees it.

Tell yourself, “Nice work!” and be sure to say your name.

Our brains like to hear our name said out loud, even if we are the ones saying it (source)

The more we understand the power our brains have to shape the circumstance of our lives, the more things like self-validation will become essential and normative.

I invite you to begin self-validating now!