A guy I once dated had a habit of scrolling Facebook when we went out to eat instead of fully engaging with me.
It bugged me, but in the beginning I gave him a pass.
I was too in love with him to say anything.
Once the initial blush wore off and I saw how much time he spent on his phone when we were together, I knew we were doomed.
The irony is, he would gripe about how much it bothered him that his tween son was more interested in the phone than being present with his father when they had a day together.
I don’t think he saw the connection between his phone behavior and what his son was learning about the phone’s role and importance to its owner.
Or if he did, he rationalized his choices.
Are You Addicted to Your Phone?
Not that I’m perfect when it comes to the phone.
Far from it.
Lately I’ve become more aware of my own phone behavior.
Not thrilled about what I’m learning.
Awareness is growing about phone addiction.
Drew Barrymore recently posted a long and vulnerable essay on Instagram about the challenges she and other parents face today with phones and children.
After taking her daughter’s phone away, she made a shocking discovery:
"Life depended on the phone. Happiness was embedded in it. Life source came from this mini digital box. Moods were dependent on the device."
Sounds a lot like addiction.
Growing Awareness about Phone Addiction
Simon Sinek explains some signs of phone addiction.
-Holding your phone wherever you go, even if it’s off or in airplane mode.
-Carrying it room to room.
-Putting it on the table when you sit down to eat.
This last behavior could be the most egregious because it’s personal, signaling to whoever you’re with that they are not as important to you as what’s available on the phone (refer to my intro).
I'm not proud to admit I’ve done all of these things numerous times.
I’m guilty of having my phone with me most of the day.
I have crossed boundaries at the table (even though my phone is turned upside down next to my plate and I don't scroll social media when I'm with people I care about).
Its presence on the table violates a boundary.
People who love me have called me out on this, including my daughter who has known more than half her life with a phone in it.
I’m grateful she had the courage to make me aware of my habit.
I’m now seeing I need to make some changes.
Oh No! Not My Mom!
When my 85 year old mom recently told me she feels more comfortable having her phone next to her bed at night than leaving it downstairs, I initially bristled.
Oh no! I thought. Not mom, too, with the phone!
This is a relatively new development for her.
But. After the initial shock, I understood her choice.
It’s about safety for mom.
Nothing wrong with that.
For myself, though?
I am a straight up bonafide phone addict.
I don't need my phone next to my bed.
I don't need to carry my phone with me every time I move into a different room.
It's okay to go out of the house without my phone.
The (Addict's) Rationalizations
The New York Times ran a piece in 2017 about our addiction to / love affair with the phone:
“We sleep with them, eat with them and carry them in our pockets. We check them, on average, 47 times a day — 82 times if you’re between 18 and 24 years old, according to recent data. And we love them for good reason: They tell the weather, the time of day and the steps we’ve taken.”
This addiction has only amplified over the last seven years, in part to the pandemic.
And also in part because existing without a phone anymore seems akin to giving everything away to live in a cave.
We have been brainwashed to believe our phone is as important to life as fresh air and water.
You can spin it all you want with plenty of reasonable justifications for always having your phone with you:
- It’s counting my steps! (Health and Fitness)
- I need to keep in touch with the team! (Work)
- It’s how I access my money! (Finances)
- I always know the time! (Productivity)
- What if my kids have an emergency? (Parenting)
- I can take photos of special moments with the people I love! (Relationships / Creating Memories)
- And then share those moments with the world! (Personal Branding / Relationship Building)
All of these sound legit.
But upon further reflection, is the price you pay tethered to your phone 24/7 worth it?
Next Steps
You might wonder as I have:
Is this phone addiction simply the natural order of things in human evolution or is this a problem of colossal proportions?
Only you can answer that question for yourself.
I know I have a problem and am going to be honest with myself about it.
As is true with any change, the first step is awareness.
Consider it taken.
