A Good Friend, a Bottle of Wine, and a Pizza: A Story of Making Peace with Your Past to Empower Your Future

Eight months ago, I had reached a point of total stagnation, not moving forward, and in many ways, slipping backwards in my life. Nothing was going the way I wanted. Despite the warning signs I now see in hindsight were all around me, the quicksand of doubt had its grips on me, sucking me into its bottomless quagmire. I had developed a bad habit of dwelling on certain unpleasant events and these negative thoughts were making me sink faster and faster into that pit of woulda coulda shoulda where I was destined to drown in the “What ifs?” of life.

You know the pit I’m talking about:

What if I had gone to a different college?
What if I had waited to get married?
What if I lived in a different place?
What if I hadn’t quit that job?

I recognized I couldn’t get out of this alone, so I picked up the phone and called my good friend Susie, a wise and insightful woman. I told her how stuck I felt, and after listening to my story, she immediately said, “Mary Lou, we need to get together for lunch and mastermind.”

We set a date for later in the week. As soon as I hung up with her, I felt the energy inside me begin to shift. Ever so slightly, but yes indeed…energy was moving in a way I hadn’t felt in awhile.

We met at a local pub on a Thursday afternoon and shared a bottle of Pinot Noir and a hand tossed brick oven pizza. I felt very indulgent as I rarely drink and certainly not at lunch. But I sensed we were celebrating something special, and as such, the occasion warranted a fine bottle of really good wine.

After the wine arrived, Susie raised her glass to mine and said, “To new beginnings.”

Then she looked me straight in the eye and said, “Mary Lou, I’ve been thinking about everything you told me on the phone the other day, and I think what all this boils down to for you is you are letting your past hold you back. I want you to honestly think about this — how making peace with your past will empower your future.”

I sipped my wine, letting her words sink in. In all my years, no one had ever said anything that hit home as hard as those words. For as intelligent I like to think I am most of the time, sometimes I can be so blind, so dumb.

But she nailed it. Straight on, Susie hit the head of the nail of my problem and hammered home to me the importance of doing some serious spring cleaning of my emotional closets. I knew exactly what she was talking about, what specific things from my past I had not yet let go of. She challenged me in a non-threatening way to really examine those to discover why I was unwilling to let them go. I spent the next several days in deep reflection, wrestling with those demons, facing them head on.

While this wasn’t a pleasant experience, it was worth the discomfort. I knew I had to do it or I would never move forward. And the changes certainly didn’t happen overnight, but the small shifts I made as a result of letting go of some negative energy were significant enough for me to recognize. I was indeed creating forward motion in my life again and it felt amazing.

As anyone with a few miles on the car of life knows, the more time you spend looking behind you, the less time you have for moving ahead to new destinations. Too much “what if-ing” keeps you from getting where you want to go. After all, you can’t drive the car effectively (not to mention safely!) with your eyes locked on the rear-view mirror.

If you want to move forward in life, you HAVE to look through the windshield, put the car in drive, and press on the gas. Making peace with your past will empower you AND your future, leading you to places you never knew existed!

How have you made peace with your past? Do you have a great story of a personal or professional breakthrough? Who has been there for you to help you get out of your quicksand?

I would love to hear your stories! Post them in the comment box below and share your inspiring moments with me!