My daughter woke up this morning, bright-eyed and excited. Today the list of who got what part in the school musical would be posted for all the kids to see.
The play this year is “Annie,” and my daughter had auditioned for two roles, Grace and Miss Haddigan. She did not have a preference for either; she just wanted one of the leading roles. As I dropped her off at the bus stop, she said, “I will try to text you during lunch with the news!”
Well, no text came, but honestly, I was so busy working that I didn’t think about it. Plus I knew any kind of phone use during school hours was forbidden, so I wasn’t really expecting to hear from her. When I picked her up after school, I could tell immediately that things had not gone the way she had hoped.
“I’m in the Servant Chorus,” she said as she slumped into the car.
“Are you kidding?” I said, incredulous.
She shook her head, and then the tears came.
For a girl who is used to hearing yes, hearing no is a pretty big blow. She is whip-smart, aces all her classes, is on the honor roll each term, performs in an elite all-girls choir, and last year, she was the female lead in her school’s performance of “Pirates of the Penzance.” This is not to say she has not had disappointments along the way: there have been plenty. But this one was particularly hard to swallow. She just could not understand how 7th graders could have been better for the lead roles.
Those of us a few years beyond the age of 14 know right well that it doesn’t really matter why someone else got something we wanted. Experience brings wisdom, and we adults understand that the road of life is paved with no’s, in so many ways, for so many reasons. But try to explain that to your daughter whose heart was set on having a lead role in this year’s school musical, and you are reminded of how virtually impossible it is to grasp this concept when you are young.
It does not necessarily get any easier hearing no as we get older, but we at least gain perspective and strength to help us move ahead with things instead of wallowing in self-pity and the never-ending whine of “Why? Why? Why?” In so many circumstances, hearing no is the best thing for us, even if it seems like the most awful and cruel word at the time it is said.
My guess is she will look back on this experience and question why she let it get her so down (who among us has not done that?) She will also see that a no can be a terrific door-opener — so often greater opportunities come our way on the other side of a no. That is another wonderful lesson we pick up as we mature.
For all of us, regardless of what path we walk, no is a word we are all too familiar with. But hearing it makes us stronger, wiser, and more compassionate toward ourselves and others. We grow from no, and are able to understand how to handle with grace and poise the occasional “yes” that will ultimately come our way. Because it will…the Universe just works like that. Yes will always come into our lives, just as it will for my daughter some other time when it is meant to be, bringing with it all of its blessings and gifts that make this life so incredibly sweet.
As I tucked her into bed, and brushed the hair back from her forehead as I do every night, she said, “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, sweetheart,” I said, kissing her cheek. And I knew that tomorrow, no matter what came along, would be a day filled with yes.
